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For his very personal out-of-print photo volume 'L'inassolible / The Unreadable', Portuguese photographer Roger GUAUS uses his experience to highlight the family values of his predecessor generation. At the same time, it serves as a tribute and gratitude to his parents and his entire generation who has sought to find the most effective way for their children to achieve happiness. The work is based on a text he wrote for him and gave him as a booklet when Roger left home in 1998, titled 'Thoughts of a fifty-year-old father'.
The text by Manel Guaus
"Your departure from home made me think a lot; it was such a milestone in your life and in mine that had to happen someday because it is a law of life, even though I unconsciously wanted to believe that it would never happen. On one hand, I am very happy because that means that you are self-sufficient and can take care of yourself financially. On the other hand, after you moved out I entered your room and tears fell from my eyes because I realised that the “boy” was all grown up and could fly by himself. It must be so, but it pains me to admit it.
We lived together for almost twenty-seven years and we had good time and bad times. The good ones aren’t worth mentioning, as they leave a good memory; as for the bad ones, I only want to tell you I am aware that many times they were my fault. I recognise my “neuroses”, and that’s why I ask you to forgive me; perhaps my excessive zeal for you, my desire that you have the very best, the absurd search for perfection to which I have devoted my whole life (what a mistake) caused me to make exaggerated demands of you. That obviously led to often unnecessary and absurd tension.
In my defence, I can only say that I did it as well as I knew how. Fatherhood is a difficult job and nobody teaches it anywhere; you need to teach yourself, and in the end there are always times when you do something inappropriate. I don’t want you to think I’m writing this to soothe my conscience. No, that’s not why. What is done is done and we don’t need to revisit it in order to justify anything. I would like for you to understand it as a way of having a conversation with you. It’s highly possible that you’re thinking “Why didn’t we have this dialogue before, face to face?” Look my son, the truth is that I’ve never known how to tackle these issues with conversation; I certainly would never be able to say the things I am writing to you. So it’s easier for me to write, as I’m doing now.
...think that we are a family that always has to be together. Physical distance is inevitable, but you know very well that where there is love, there is no distance between hearts, and that is what has to endure with us. And when I say we, I mean your mother, you, your brother and me.
...what I do want to tell you is that you must always love your mother. We were lucky with her, who played the roles of both mother and father. When I was outside the home for so many hours she could listen to your, my and Enric’s concerns, put them in a cocktail shaker and make a cocktail that was good for all of us, often at her own expense, sacrificing herself so the “community” could function. This is why I tell you again: ALWAYS LOVE HER. And Enric too. Enric is how he is, so love him, look after him and help him. There was a time when you couldn’t stand each other; fortunately it seems that’s over and now that you’re communicating well is the time to use your love to be closer. Think about your grandparents too; they live for us so you have to pay them some attention. They deserve it, and we should be able to give them the best welfare that we can.
And you, as one more piece in the machinery of life, need to take care of yourself; don’t seek out imminent danger in your travels, as that doesn’t lead anywhere; always be aware of your limitations and when you aren’t sure about something, let it go.
Pursue your professional life with eagerness and joy. Believe that you do something you chose: doing so is a privilege that not everyone can enjoy. Don’t let yourself be won over by champions of lost causes, be an honest worker and NOBLE. That alone is enough to take you through life with your head high. You’ll have to be tough when your professional instincts tell you to be, but always with seriousness and NOBILITY. Enjoy life because that’s what it’s for. Have fun, love, travel, do everything that makes you feel good, but always be NOBLE. Don’t make anyone suffer for your benefit and don’t do to anyone what you wouldn’t want them to do to you. If you are sincere you will feel better. What I just wrote is the synthesis of any religion. I know that you don’t believe in hardly anything; maybe that is my fault for not trying to bring you closer to “our” religion when I had the chance. The truth is that I’m not practicing either, although I do believe in a higher being that pulls all the strings, but not much else. The truth is that if you are good you’ve already done a lot, and that’s something only you can do.
When someone lives alone, they may miss having somebody to listen to their concerns or to give them necessary assistance in the difficult moments we all go through. If something like this happens don’t hesitate to come to us, as this will always be your home. There is nobody better than your parents and brother to help you and give you advice. You’ll have to avoid that misguided pride that we all have about not wanting a helping hand out of fear of not seeming capable enough of solving our own problems. While we’re alive, we’ll always be ready to do whatever is necessary for our sons. Think that, even if it doesn’t seem like it sometimes, problems always have a solution. It’s like the owner of the Donuts brand used to say: “The world doesn’t have problems, what it has is a lack of solutions...”
Take care of your health; it’s a treasure that we don’t value. Think about your BRONCHI and don’t mistreat them, they are your weak point and you have to take care of them. While you still “don’t care”, think that physical presence is important in all aspects of life. Take care of it. Don’t fall into the error of wanting to be different than the rest of people; you’ll become a caricature. You know what, Roger? In this world, almost everything has already been thought of. As I’ve always said, the best thing is to act NORMAL. Clearly we must respect everyone’s tastes, but within a logical measure of dignity.
This little book is over. Along with this missal, I leave you a folder with all the documentation of the school: a lifetime of study is reflected here. You must be proud of having reached the end, but do finish your ADVANCED studies, as it would be a shame not to. There is also an image of the Virgin of Montserrat. I think you should always keep it with you. I know that you are not religious or superstitious, but she’s our MORENETA and that means things... If it occurs to you one day to get rid of it, bring it back home. If you want to hang up your degrees in your studio one day, remember that they’re at home. I didn’t give them to you because you once told me that you didn’t want them at all. They’ll always be kept here.
That’s all I’ll say. I hope to be able to speak with you in person about this some day instead of hiding in a booklet like this one, which I ask you not to throw away. You might find it useful at some time in your life to read it again and remember that you have, or had, a father who loves you like you can’t imagine, even if he hasn’t been able to show it in the way that you would have liked.
Manel"